đ± New pyramid scheme
Dead batteries, $3.2M tuna, and butterâs comeback tour.
Good morning. Now that itâs officially criminal to wish someone âhappy new yearâ, hereâs a thought - We all own that junk drawer, usually without consent. Inside: three dead batteries pretending to nap, a mystery key that feels important, one IKEA Allen wrench worth more than gold, and cables for phones that died during the Obama administration.
Nothing is added intentionally; everything just arrives under the pretext of âbeing preparedâ and itâs never emptied. It isnât clutter. It is deferred decision-making and quiet optimism, neatly tucked away.
đžEmail a picture of your junk drawer to us. We will share our favorite one next week!
In the food world
đ Wtf (What the fish)
With inflation making everything feel like a luxury, Japanâs New Year tuna auction turned a fish into a financial sport, selling a 535-pound bluefin for $3.2 million at Tokyoâs Toyosu Market. Sushi Zanmaiâs âTuna Kingâ treats these auctions like the Super Bowl, with cheering, strategy, and occasional trash talk. The tuna itself will skip the museum tour and head straight to sushi plates, sliced and served to customers complaining about the $20 cost for a roll being too high.
đ§đœâđł Noma is coming to LA, and New York is quietly seething.
Copenhagenâs three-Michelin-starred Noma just announced a 5â6 month residency in Los Angeles starting spring 2026, its first ever in the U.S. Chef RenĂ© Redzepi says he picked LA for its âgrassroots creative energy,â which is a very polite way of saying New York didnât pass the vibe check. Expect legendary menus, peak California produce, and reservation chaos. Signups are live, but snagging a table is harder than Coachella tickets.
đœ McRib - for real, not real?
McDonaldâs McRib is back in the news, this time not for nostalgia but for court dates. A new class-action lawsuit claims the sandwichâs rib-shaped pork patty makes diners think theyâre biting into real ribs, not restructured pork. McDonaldâs says itâs 100% pork and everyone knows what theyâre getting (trigger warning - restructured pork using lower-grade cuts such as pork shoulder, heart, tripe, and scalded stomach). The case now asks a serious question: when is a McRib just marketing⊠and when is it allegedly false advertising? Either way, the sandwich remains boneless, saucy, seasonal, and legally complicated for everyone involved.
The new pyramid scheme
Americaâs food pyramid just got a glow-up. The newly released 2025â2030 dietary guidelines quietly tossed the old âMyPlateâ into the recycling bin and replaced it with a version that reads less like nutrition advice and more like a steakhouse menu. Protein now sits at the top, finally admitting what Americans have been doing all along: building meals around chicken, eggs, and steak, with a polite nod to tofu for appearances.
Grains, once the pyramidâs sturdy foundation, have been politely sent to the basement, where half-finished quinoa, orphaned crackers, and mysterious rice mixes gather dust. Whole grains still matter, but now theyâre supporting actors, quietly cheering from the wings. Fats have staged a full redemption arc, olive oil, avocado, and even butter are back in polite society, ready for a starring role.
Fruits and vegetables remain dutifully on the plate like coworkers who quietly do all the work but donât steal the credit. Sugar has been relegated to time-out, while sodas and candy stew in the corner, carrying the shame of being âadded sugars.â
The official explanation is public health: fewer ultra-processed foods, more ârealâ ingredients, and a renewed focus on satiety. The unofficial takeaway is that after decades of advice that no one followed, the government decided to eat like the rest of us.
Critics grumble that this shift favors meat and dairy too heavily, while supporters say it finally aligns the guidelines with how people actually eat. Either way, the message is clear: eat food that looks like food, stop pretending granola bars are personalities, and yes, dinner can include both joy and butter.
Quiz
Before it was the ultimate burger companion, this pantry staple was peddled by 1830s doctors as a âmiracle pillâ to cure everything from indigestion to jaundice. Which common condiment was originally sold in pharmacies as a medicine before it was squeezed onto a hot dog?
Cooking tips
A pan should be treated like a runway, not a surprise landing. Four to five minutes are given for preheating before fat is added, so food doesnât weld itself on contact. Readiness can be tested by hovering a hand above it, if mild danger is sensed, the pan is ready.
When salting has become passive-aggressive, the dish usually just wants acid. A squeeze of lemon, a splash of vinegar, or a pinch of citric acid wakes it up like a cold shower.
Flipping meat like itâs running late is the wrong approach. It should be left alone. If itâs sticking, itâs not unfinished, itâs just shy. Patience is required. Trust the Maillard reaction; itâs working harder than you are right now.
Did you know?
Honey lasts so long it makes expiration dates look lazy. Archaeologists have found jars of it in ancient Egyptian tombs, still edible after 3,000 years, meaning honey has outlived empires, dynasties, and several questionable fashion trends. Its low moisture and natural acidity make it a bacterial nightmare.
âBaby carrotsâ arenât young carrots, theyâre regular carrots cut into small pieces and tumbled smooth in industrial machines. They were invented in 1986 by a California farmer who wanted to use âuglyâ carrots that couldnât be sold whole.
About 25% of an apple is air, which is why they bob in water and why biting into one always sounds louder than it needs to. While the air contributes to crispness and buoyancy, the sound heard when biting an apple is more about the cell walls breaking.
Also Simmering
How to use any piece of leftover cheese: Donât let any leftover cheese in the fridge to waste.
Weekday friendly lasagna recipe: Easy cacio e pepe lasagna recipe creamy, peppery, weeknight-friendly version that delivers the vibe in just over an hour.
Official drink of dry January: Shirley Temple is making a Dry January comeback as brands like Olipop and Poppiâlean into low-sugar, nonalcoholic ll
While this simmersâŠ
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That $3.2M tuna auction perfectly captures how certain food items transcended being just food and became financial instruments. The Tuna King treating it like the Super Bowl is kinda brilliant tbh, because at that point, the fish is less about taste and more about the spectacle of scarcity. I worked at a high-end sushi spot briefly and saw how customers reacted diferently when we mentioned the provenance of fish versus when we just served it. Makes me wonder if anythibg thats eaten for $20 per roll after a $3.2M purchase still tastes like fish or just like status.