Cheezy capitalism 💰
About the school lunch frenzy, a new Starbucks killer and reasons why almost every celebrity has a tequila company.
Good morning and we’re back. Last time, we asked you to dig deep and provide us with your unpopular food opinions. And after reviewing your responses over the last two weeks, here’s what we know about you’ll:
The good: Ice cream with fries.
The bad: PB&J, Mayo, and sardine sandwiches.
The ugly: Cereal in chai.
And then there is this: Dr. Pepper and milk
In the food world
👨🏻🔬 Perfectly imperfect
A recently resurfaced 2022 MIT study is a real dunk in the milk for cookie fans. The research aims to determine if evenly splitting an Oreo with crème on both sides is achievable. Sadly, despite their best efforts, the results were a crumbly disappointment. It was found that even distribution was nearly impossible to achieve as one side gets all the crème-y goodness a split second longer than the other before it adheres to it during the manufacturing process.
☠️ Starbucks killer
Blank Street Coffee, the caffeine-fueled coffee chain, has taken over the coffee scene faster than a caffeine high. While Starbucks embraces the come in and relaxes while you’re having your coffee culture, Blank Street takes on a more drug dealer approach of take your meth and get the f*ck out! But investors love this along with their lower coffee prices and have invested $20 million in Blank Street in a recent funding round.
🦣 Mammoth meatballs
Hold onto your tusks, folks, because Vow, an Australian food company, just raised the steaks with their latest creation: a meatball made from the DNA of a woolly mammoth. This isn't some long overdue freezer cleanup, but rather a lab-grown protein alternative to reduce the environmental impact of animal agriculture. Why mammoth? Well, because it’s good for marketing buzz.
Lunch break
Looks like there's a new kid in school. Kraft Heinz's Lunchables’s Extra Cheesy Pizza will be on the menu at K-8 cafeterias across the US this fall. This comes as part of their new deal with the National School Lunch Program (NSLP), which provides free or low-cost lunches to nearly 30 million children.
However, Kraft Heinz will tweak their original recipes of processed cheese and mystery meats to hit some nutritional targets required for school meals—such as lower levels of fat and sodium and increased amounts of protein and whole grains.
But things aren’t all that rosy
The re-engineered Lunchables are causing quite a stir, and not just in kids' stomachs. According to critics, these lunch options are so lacking in nutritional value, that they make a Twinkie look like healthy food.
But school cafeteria budgets are stretched thinner than a slice of prosciutto. High food costs, supply chain snags, and labor shortages are all taking a bite out of school lunch programs. This ultimately benefits Lunchables — with their main selling point being that they’re refrigerated, not frozen, which costs less to ship and store.
Some are worried these offerings could transport consumers to a nutritional Narnia, where grocery store versions would be confused as equally healthy as their for-school counterparts. But this isn’t the first such example. Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts, General Mills cereals, and even Domino’s pizza have healthier in-school versions available.
However… Kraft Heinz is all smiles
Getting in front of Gen Alpha — you know, the ones who come after Gen Z, is a big win for Kraft Heinz. Lunchables accounted for 8.6% of the company’s sales last year, and this form of cheesy capitalism could boost sales even higher.
Tequila biness!
With the Oscar afterparty champagne bottles empty, celebrities are now back to their second drink of choice — Tequila. The likes of George Clooney, The Rock, Nick Jonas, Kendall Jenner, and many more have taken into this side hustle.
With none of the aforementioned celebrity brands listed as 501(c) charitable organizations, we can conclude that investing in tequila is hotter than a jalapeño on a summer day. Here’s why:
Lucrative business: With a growth rate of over 46% in 2020 and a rising demand for high-end tequilas, tequila is seen as a trendy and lucrative investment opportunity worth billions of dollars.
Cool factor: Tequila has a unique image and personality that appeals to celebrities and consumers alike. It's associated with fun, partying and instant Instagram likes, making it an attractive brand to align with.
Quick production: While other spirits are busy aging for years on end, tequila is like "let's get this party started!" With some tequilas requiring only three years in a barrel, celebrities can get their brand to market a lot quicker.
Brand building: Celebrities want to build a brand that speaks to their fans and nothing builds a fan base quite like
an only fans pagea round of tequila shots. With a tequila brand, celebrities can connect with their audience on a deeper level and build a following that wakes up the next day with a headache, still feeling awesome.
Quiz
Jamie Oliver gained notoriety through his reality TV program, "Food Revolution," where he visited some of the unhealthiest public school cafeterias. The show was both terrifyingly entertaining and educational.
American public school lunch programs have garnered attention over the years for their questionable definition of a "vegetable" as evidenced by the following headlines. Disclaimer, one of these is a figment of our imagination. Let’s see if you can catch that.
*Answer at the bottom.
Kitchen Tips
Always keep a kitchen towel next to your stove to prevent burns, work smoothly, and wipe away tears when the cooking doesn't turn out as planned.
To extend the mojo of green chili peppers, store them without the stems in the refrigerator.
Ajitsuke a.k.a. Ramen eggs require a meticulous 6 min and 32 seconds boil followed by an ice bath. Have the ice bath ready while the eggs are boiling to avoid the additional cooking time or be ready for the boring boiled eggs.
School lunch recipes
Vegan crunchwrap: Quick, vegan, and completely irresistible.
Bechamel veggie pasta: This white sauce pasta is an easy weeknight meal and is ready in under 30 minutes.
Grilled cheese: Super easy but a total master class.
While this simmers…
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Answer
We made up the Doritos headline.