Beyond failure 🍔
Save the planet without going green!
Good morning. English is a strange language. Simple sentences can be reworded to sound complicated (a great tactic at work) or at times, something bizarre.
Take the sentence “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” Although it seems that this was written while nursing a hangover, it makes perfect grammatical sense. The word buffalo has 3 meanings:
Buffalo: a proper noun, the city of Buffalo, New York
buffalo: a verb meaning “to bully” or “to harass.”
buffalo: a noun referring to the animal or bison
Which makes this sentence, Buffalo buffalo (the bison from the city of Buffalo) Buffalo buffalo buffalo (that the bison from the city bully) buffalo Buffalo buffalo (is bullying another bison from that city).
This is inspiration behind our quiz today. You don’t want to miss it!
A husband’s night in
- by Dhaval Shah
One Friday afternoon, my wife told me that she would be going for a much needed (we have a 8 month old son) girls night out and that I was on my own for dinner. Being no slouch in the kitchen, I felt like rising to the challenge and making my own professionally prepared three course meal. So after I put my son to sleep for the night, my quest to create the perfect balance of tastes began!
The appetizer was my twist on a French classic — a pâté of roasted indigenous nuts along with a coulis of seasonal berries. I took half an inch of creamy peanut butter and troweled it over a piece of graham cracker. I then added a layer of strawberry jam and topped it off with another piece of graham cracker. Due to the crumbly texture of the graham cracker and associated cleaning risks, this dish is best eaten over the sink. Pro tip: While you’re over the sink, it’s also advisable to shrug off your beard after eating.
For the main course, I made a dish that I have perfected since 2011 while developing my cuisine du survival as a student. The dish starts with heating a pan and emptying a can of baked beans into it. They are allowed to cook till the consistency resembles that of molten concrete. Then on a low flame, a generous amount of shredded cheddar cheese and some smoked paprika is stirred in. For an enhanced flavor profile and ease of swallowing, I paired this dish with a 2022 limited edition can of Diet Coke.
Finally, it was time for the course that the entire meal had been building towards — dessert! I scanned through the fridge for a base and found the answer hidden deep on the third shelf — a cup of not yet expired Yoplait vanilla yogurt. Being a fan of textures, I took a paring knife and carefully ripped a package of fresh Oreos and crushed them into the yogurt. Six spoonfuls (along with some mindless TV) later my three course meal was complete and it couldn’t have been better!
Quiz
Inspired by the English language and our love for fancy cooking, for this week’s quiz, we have provided some ridiculously complicated descriptions for otherwise basic everyday food. Let’s see how many of these dishes can you guess. Just hit submit on the quiz to view the answers.
In the food world
Error 404 — Demand not found: Beyond Meat stock crumbled as easily as a veggie burger after McDonald’s ended its US test of the McPlant burger, that uses Beyond’s patties. The fast food chain’s experiment with photosynthesis in their 600 odd stores across the country did not produce the desired demand causing them to call quits on this collab.
Clear out: According to the Coca Cola company the best way to save the planet is… not going green! The company announced that starting August 1, all Sprite bottles across the U.S. and Canada will transition to clear packaging from their iconic green packaging. Though the green bottles are recycle-able, taking colors out improves the quality of the recycled material.
Avo-lanche warning: Facing a massive supply glut, farmers in Australia are begging people to eat avocados so that they aren’t wasted. Australian growers are going to produce 22 avocados per Australian this year, 26% more than last year. Ironically, prices of other veggie staples, like lettuce, have skyrocketed to such levels that Chipotle would soon give free guac and charge for lettuce in their salad bowl!
Did you know?
Truffle has been a staple for luxurious eats, but the Alba White Italian truffle is so rare that it costs around $2,643 per kg and are found seasonally in the Piedmont region of Northern Italy.
Keeping in line with the theme of this week’s edition, Mageirocophobia is also an actual word that means an extreme fear of cooking… Probably caused by the price of the Alba White Italian truffle.
The traditional tall, white, pleated chef's hat — the thing that makes you look all important in the kitchen — is officially referred to as a toque, which is the Arabic word for hat.
Cooking tips
To make simple syrup simmer 1 cup of water and 1 cup of sugar on medium until the sugar dissolves. Consume in one mojito filled night or refrigerate for up to 2 weeks.
While on the topic of ratios, to make a classic vinaigrette,
drive to the grocery store and buy ituse 3 parts oil to 1 part vinegar.For tender herbs, clip off the bottom of their stems and put them in a glass filled with about an inch of water (like you would flowers) for your next Valentine’s day cilantro bouquet.
Easy NO COOK recipes:
Some days you are exploring your inner Child while some nights you just want to bum out. For all those nights, here is a full meal you can prepare (pinky promise) without even lighting a match.
Gazpacho: The opposite of warm hug in cold winter.
Kelp and Zucchini Noodle Pad Thai: Kelp noodles, traditionally found in Korean dishes, just need to be soaked in water.
Vanilla Mug Cake: Eggless and arguably the fastest cake in the world!
While this simmers…
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